Jan 9, 2015

The Funnest People are Often Small: Things Your Kids Have Said (Q and LA)

Welcome to our tenth session of Q and LA (questions and Lutheran answers). As you may recall,

"This is just a discussion that we wish we were having over tea and coffee in someone’s living room. There would probably be kids yelling in the background. There would probably be cookies, and spilled tea."

Feel free to join our virtual tea party by chiming in with your own advice, input, or anecdotes (we love anecdotes) in the comments.

If you want to send us questions for a later addition of Q and LA, you can add them below in the comments or e-mail them to sister-daughter-mother-wife (at) googlegroups.com.

Today's Question

A little levity is always good, especially for moms who are covered in baby snot stains. Could you share the funniest things your kids have said lately (or the funniest story you remember from their childhood)? After all, kids are fun. 

Allison Kieselowsky

My 7-year-old reciting the catechism lesson for the week: "I believe that when the called ministers of Christ deal with us by His divine command . . . and dissolve those who repent of their sins . . ."

At times like these, we thank God that our children's words are not binding in heaven.

Mommy: What face do you want on the pumpkin?

7-year-old: A grumpy face.

3-year-old: A silly face.

5-year-old: Born to a wicked witch, this beautiful princess can become evil when she gets angry. She has royally shaped eyes, a beautiful mouth, and a nice nose. But she looks like she can turn evil when someone upsets her.

And she had absolute confidence that Mommy could actually carve that face into a pumpkin.

Rachel Kovaciny

My almost-three-year-old doesn't quite understand Hide & Seek yet.  Last week, she insisted on carrying a xylophone with her wherever she hid.  We tried to explain why this was not optimal, but she was unconvinced.

I went momentarily insane recently and bought my children big foam broadswords.  Then I showed them select sword-fighting scenes from some of my favorite swashbuckling movies, including The Princess Bride. The other day, while fighting her daddy, my four-year-old daughter announced, "I know something you don't know!  I am not left-handed!"  She paused, then added, "Which one is my left hand?"

Aubri Hale

God has blessed me with some pretty funny kiddos. He knew I needed that! I truly feel like I'm living in a Family Circus cartoon sometimes.

For instance, my daughter singing Baa Baa Black Sheep used to end it with, “And one for the little boy who lives down the drain.”

While I sat reading to my big girls, Clara snuggled close and said, “Mama, your skin feels like pizza dough.”

I told Clara that my laptop died. She then asked, “On the cross?”

Later that day one of the toy batteries died (finally). I told the girls the batteries had died and Lily excitedly declared, “Then they will go to heaven!”

The girls were learning a VBS song called "Christ on Calvary." Lily kept singing it as “Go and tell the story of the Christ on calorie.”

When Lily was still learning how to say words like, “magnet,” it always came out as “maggot.” I loved hearing things like this: “Mom, Gerhardt’s got a maggot in his mouth!” and “There are maggots under the Christmas tree!”

My Clara can be a bit dramatic. One afternoon she flopped down on the floor crying, “I’m tired of saying WORDS!”

While doing plank jacks with me (a very unpleasant exercise move) Clara yelled: “Are these poison!!???” I told her yes.

One day I told the girls that if they worked hard in school their Daddy and I would give them money to go to college, to which Clara responded with a worried look on her face, “But what if I drop it all on the street?”

Cheryl Magness

In church a few years back, I overheard a friend's child saying: "Thanks, Pizza God!" (instead of Thanks be to God).

Some years ago I also realized my youngest was incorrectly praying Luther's Evening Prayer thus: "Let your holy angel be with me, that the evil foam may have no power over me."

You gotta watch out for The Foam.


  1. Great! I love reading such funny things.

    My potty-training 2yo was trying to flush the toilet, but it wouldn't flush. I told her it was broken, and that we would have Daddy fix it. She replied, "Yes, Him put batteries in it, and it will work again!"

    My other daughter, when she was but a wee mite, told me once when I called her my little girl, "I'm not a little girl. I am a WOMAN!"

    My now 5yo noticed at a restaurant recently that almost everybody around us, including the waitress, seemed to be speaking Spanish. When the waitress asked her (in English, and heavily accented) if she could take her plate, she excitedly told her Daddy afterwards, "Daddy, I can understand Spanish!"

    Oh, if I could remember all the things the little ones say!

  2. These are great ("I'm tired of saying WORDS" remains close to my heart, Aubri). This morning my seven-year-old saw a picture of a "sculpture" some kids made for their mom. It included a peace sign. Her reaction was "Why did they make a wreath with a chicken foot in it?"

  3. These are so fun to read. Evil Foam, I love it! You gotta watch out for those "Lord's Prayer" ones, we've gotten "give us this day our staley bread" and Lily still says "Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory for Never and Never." So great. Is it totally wrong that I haven't corrected her? I just think it's so cute. Katy Clara's pained expression when she said that was a nice bonus.

  4. I must remain anonymous, for my words were uncharitable, but did result in a funny comment from my 3 year old son. I commented (privately to my husband) that the choir that morning sounded like someone swinging around a bag of cats during the Alleluia. (I know, I'm the worst.) My son, who was in the other room, replied, "Cats don't say Alleluia! They say, 'Meow.'"

    1. Yes, children are quite honest. I remember more than 20 years ago when my mother and I took my little niece and nephew out for ice cream at a convenience store. They kept staring at the clerk who was quite be-wrinkled. Then my nephew out and said it--"You're real old, ain't ya?"

  5. When my daughter first received a doll for her birthday, she didn't seem to like it. Granted, it was a realistic looking, newborn type that is wrinkly and not very cute. I tried to show her how to hold it and feed it. "Don't you like your doll?" She was only one, but after some mumbling I distinctly heard her say "it's dead!" It could be my new mom imagination, but after I explained that it's only a toy and never was alive, she liked it just fine.


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