A Little Update

Dear Readers,

The blog has been quiet lately, but things are busy at my house. Mussmann Baby #3 is charming us all with his cuteness. He's not exactly sold yet on the idea of sleeping at predictable times or letting mom write much, but I have hope for the future. This post is a start!

The cutest writers' block ever (in his baptismal gown).

Meanwhile, I am learning how to parent three kids at once. It helps that the older two love their baby brother.

The Impossible Existence of Good Men

By Rebekah Theilen

Love, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. When I was a growing up, being raised in a family with Baptist roots, Billy Graham was Billy Graham. There were no others. But if you watched his funeral, held beneath a tent in humble North Carolina, you saw that there were many others. He was the trusted confidant of American presidents. He was friend to Cliff Barrows, Grady Wilson, and George Beverly Shea. He was grandfather to 19, great-grandfather to 44, and on and on he goes into the coming generations. He was “Daddy” to five—Gigi, Anne, Ruth, Franklin, and Ned. He was husband to wife, Ruth, for over sixty years.

In death and in life, we delight in true stories of family and friends. In these weeks since Billy Graham has met his Lord, I’ve found myself watching his old crusade videos, and listening to interviews with people from his life. Interview after interview, one begins to notice a commonly-asked question: “What was it like?” People want to know what it was like to be the friend, the child, or the wife of Billy Graham. Not only was this man deeply loved, but he was highly revered throughout the world, and—though it feels cheapening to mention his name in relation to such minor statistics—was even named on Gallup’s Most Admired Man list more times than any other man since the 1940’s when the listing began.

In an age where heroes have gone extinct, we as a people are hungry for goodness. Billy Graham’s life, changed by the Gospel, was focused on showing us the only place to look. Investigating skeptics might examine Graham’s life, hoping to uncover a secret or scandal. But I think they’re looking for something more. When it comes to the people of pulpits and pedestals, the ones who would seem to us larger than life, we are wanting to know that we aren't alone. We are watching to see if these people are human. And while we’re comforted knowing these humans have faults, we don’t want our leaders to ever let us down. We want to believe in not only the unlikely, but even the impossible—that good men still exist in the world.

Why Lutherans Are Like Two-year-olds

By Heather Smith

Why is truly the basic human question. Only beings with reason can ask it. Animals don’t care. In fact, we might say the curiosity to know why is the defining characteristic between animals and humans. Animals act upon instinct. Humans act upon reason. Thus, when we as humans do not care to understand the whys of life, we make ourselves, in a way, more like animals than proper human beings. The person who ceases to wonder why limits life to the shallow pleasures and pains of the moment, lapping up the fun when times are good and whining with discontent when things get unpleasant.

We needn’t look far to see such painfully limited lives. The world is full of them. So is the Church. Individualism has taught us to follow our desires rather than our reason. Secularism has instructed us that there is no meaning beyond this life. Pragmatism has indoctrinated us to do whatever works—never mind why. The innate human impulse to ask why (which we all possessed in abundance as two-year-olds) has been trained out of us by the idols of our age. We no longer trust that the world is a rational place worth trying to understand. Our culture is in a crisis of apathy and ignorance, and we must not imagine that we are completely immune to this epidemic.

The good news is that the cure is quite simple: Ask why. Look at the world and wonder about anything and everything, as many times a day as possible. Why is this potluck dish made of marshmallows, pudding, and fruit considered a salad? Why does the word salad look so much like salary? Why do my children study social studies but not history in school? Why do I want my children to be educated, anyway? Why is this television show so popular? Why does it not bother anyone that it contains so many openly immoral characters? Why is the sunset especially vibrant this evening? Why have I not noticed the sunset in so long? Why is the world filled with so much fury and so little contentment? Why do I believe my life can be different?

Keep asking enough whys and you are certain to discover that all questions ultimately lead to God. It could not be any other way. Since why is a quest for meaning, it must lead us to God, who is the source of all meaning. Hence the quintessential Lutheran question: “What does this mean?”

A Note to Our Lovely Readers

Hi Everyone,

As you may have noticed, things are a bit quiet on SDMW this month. Life may stay that way for little while. One of the reasons involves the imminent arrival of a new Mussmann baby.

I look forward to doing more blogging once I am able! Feel free to send submissions as usual--I look forward to reading them and responding as I have time.

Blessings,

Anna

Why You Should Marry Someone Who Laughs at the Right Things (from our archives)

By Anna Mussmann

Last Valentine’s Day, one of my Facebook friends shared this quote from Timothy J. Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage: “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.”

Mr. Keller is right. I am married myself, and it is an amazing thing to live with someone who knows more about my flaws than anyone else does, yet continually lives out his marriage vows by loving me anyway. I am deeply grateful that I am able to experience the blessed estate of marriage. It is truly awesome.

Yet finding a spouse isn’t always easy. In fact, in a world filled with marital strife and divorce, it is downright scary. Many young people have reacted to this by delaying marriage and waiting for someone who is perfect enough to sweep away all of their fears. Unfortunately, like unicorns, perfect spouses are extraordinarily elusive.

I have heard many debates about the qualities that Christian young people should really be looking for in a prospective spouse. I would suggest that the list be kept short. The items at the top are (or ought to be) pretty obvious. Find someone who recognizes his or her own sin and who rejoices in Christ’s forgiveness. Find someone who treats others kindly and whom you would trust to raise your children. Find someone whom you are willing to try to love, no matter what, even though he or she is flawed (note that this is really about you more than it is about the other person). In addition, I would like to point out one more trait that I think makes married life more pleasant for everyone.

Find someone who laughs at the right things.

The Law We Don't Like Hearing

By Ruth Meyer

You’ve shown them, all these moments, that the phone is more important than they are. They see you looking at it at while waiting to pick up brother from school, during playtime, at the dinner table, at bedtime . . . .

Those words are from the article “Dear Mom on the iPhone,” which made quite a splash in 2013 when it was first published. Judging from the number of shares I saw on Facebook, it struck a nerve in a lot of people, reminding parents that they’re sending a powerful message when they continually choose their phones over their children. I was certainly convicted, because there are times when I get caught up in my own phone, ignoring my children when they’re right in front of me.

Ah, but then came the rebuttal, “Dear Mom on the iPhone, You’re Doing Fine.” For good measure, more than one response came out, all defending moms on iPhones, and it seemed that the more rebuttals there were, the easier it was to dismiss the first article and the twinge of conscience it produced. Moms everywhere breathed a collective sigh of relief. See? I’m justified in checking my phone while my kids play! Don’t judge me! The conscience-pricking article was replaced by the more palatable message of the second. Of course some women use their phones too much, but I probably don’t. Whew!

Humans have an innate need to feel good about ourselves. We want desperately to believe that other people make mistakes; other people need to change, but not us.

This phenomenon has infested the Christian mindset as well. The Law seems very antiquated indeed. Focus on God and His love instead. Sermons that speak of sin in a generic way are okay, but let’s not get too specific. We squirm in the hard pews if the pastor starts talking too strongly against homosexuality or cohabitation. After all, we don’t want to offend anyone or be seen as unloving and intolerant.

And what if the pastor gets even more personal, aiming at sins that infect our own hearts and minds, such as gossip, coveting, lust, hatred, bitterness, etc? How do we respond? Do we flee to God in repentance, asking him daily for the strength to battle against our sinful flesh? Or do we remind ourselves that we’ve been forgiven and carry on with life as usual? Paul addresses this in Romans 6:1-2: “What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?” Indeed. Just because Jesus has forgiven us doesn’t mean we don’t struggle with sin. And sometimes we need to hear the Law in all its severity to realize how many of our own sins we have learned to ignore. We dare not dismiss the Law or gloss over it by thinking, Well, God knows I’m not perfect. I’ll always sin, no matter how hard I try. The main thing is that I’m forgiven.

Yes, We Should Ask Each Other More Questions

By Alison Andreasen

I live in a small, rural community where many of us are related by blood or marriage. Every now and then you hear that someone is sick or dying. I could make a fortune if I charged a dollar for every time someone says, “Well, I never knew!” or “No one would have guessed!”  

How is this even possible? In a small town where we know each other’s names, you’d think everyone would know about each other’s struggles, too. But we don’t. Maybe our independence is a remnant of the pioneer mentality that proved useful many generations ago. Some people like to be private--both when times are good and also in times of difficulty. But, perhaps there is another reason we aren’t aware of what is going on in the lives of those around us: We have stopped asking each other questions. And why have we stopped asking questions? I think there are several reasons.

First, we forget that people aren’t stagnant, never-changing creatures. For example, we think that happy-go-lucky neighbor who helped us move into our house is still the happy-go-lucky neighbor, just several years older. That grouch living on the corner has always been that way and will always be that way.

We all know this not to be true of ourselves. We are always changing: happy one day, sad at the loss of a loved one the next. The same is true of others. Our neighbors near and far are humans in flux. We do a great disservice to their humanity when we expect them to be more like machines that never change.  

Second, we tend to be narcissistic, and when we see others acting differently toward us, we assume it has something to do with us. We think that they may not like us anymore, or that they don’t want us to bother them. Yet, deep down, we know that this might not be the case. It is more likely that the new attitude has nothing to do with us, but rather is an outward reflection of their own internal struggles.

When our Vocations Change

By Rebekah Theilen

“Part of the sanctification of motherhood is learning to trust God with our children.” Cindy Rollins, Mere Motherhood.

Our pastor preached a beautiful sermon that stayed with me. It was based on the Scripture reading from the Gospel of John, the story when Jesus turns the water into wine. Jesus and his disciples are in Cana for a wedding. While they are there, Mary, the Lord’s mother, comes to Jesus with an important matter.

“They have no wine,” Mary tells Jesus. How Mary heard the news of the unfolding event, we aren’t told, but Jesus must have known that the word from his mother was more than mere gossip, and more than a casual informative statement. Mary wasn’t mingling in the crowd with her wine glass, sipping warm water, hoping to make interesting conversation. She was turning to God in a face-to-face prayer.

“Woman, what does this have to do with me,” Jesus replies. “My hour has not yet come.” It seems an odd question for Jesus to ask. Has He not come to show the world His glory, to be about His Father’s business? After thirty years of walking with Jesus, of pondering day after day in her heart, surely the Lord’s mother would have known Him well, known who she was talking to, and what He was capable of.

“Do whatever He tells you,” she says to the servants. These are the last words of Mary recorded in the Bible. The mother tells the others to listen to her Son. The woman known to us by her humble-hearted, “I am the Lord’s servant; May it be to me as you have said,” sets the stage for the Lord’s first sign. Jesus turns and tells the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them to the brim.

“Who is this Man” the disciples would later ask, “that even the wind and the waves obey Him?” Twenty years earlier, we found the boy Jesus in the Gospel of Luke. Upon reuniting with Jesus after losing Him for three days, the relieved Mary asks the boy, “Son, why have you treated us this way?” Like any mother whose child has gone missing, her heart was, understandably, greatly troubled. But Jesus returns home to Nazareth with his mother and father, and the Scriptures say He was obedient to them.

How do you teach God to honor you? Did Mary and Joseph teach Jesus the commandments, or did He always “just know” them from the time He was born? It takes years and years to train up a child, but by the time Jesus is grown, after all the years He and His mother have spent together, Mary has mysteriously grown up alongside Him. “Do whatever He tells you,” Mary says. Her maternal efforts are no longer focused on teaching children to obey her, but rather, on entreating the children of man to obey God.

Five Low-Pressure Ideas for Date Night at Home

By Anna Mussmann

None of us want to be “that woman”--the one who pours her emotional energy into her children or career but forgets to maintain a meaningful relationship with her husband. After all, husbands are pretty awesome. They are the people we’ve vowed to stick with for the rest of our lives. Why miss out on enjoying life together?

There are lots of ingredients that go into nurturing any relationship, and, despite having passed my thirtieth birthday, I’m still learning about them. One ingredient, of course, is time together.

My husband and I go on occasional dates. However, we also like to spend quality time together at home, and we’ve found that tricky to consistently achieve. Even after the kids go to bed, our home is full of distractions. There are chores to be done, books to read, and links to click. It’s easy to live parallel lives without focusing on each other. By the time we’ve come to the end of the week, we are often too tired to come up with creative ideas for a joint activity. That’s why it’s nice to have a pre-made list of suggestions.

Here are five of the at-home couple-time activities that help us have fun together.

Self-righteousness vs. Self-care

By Alison Andreasen

Hello. My name is Alison Andreasen and I am recovering from self righteousness and idolatry.  

There, I said it.  

I was forced into this revelation. I didn’t want to acknowledge it. I hit rock bottom and had to face the facts. Some people call it burn-out, and that is a pretty accurate statement. I had been burning dully for a while, red embers barely hanging on. If I were a candle, I would have been the sad little part of the candle where the wick meets the base. It looks so pathetic that the owner just throws it away to put it out of its misery. That was me.

If only I had been a super human with no needs, I could have continued in my previous lifestyle. I could have kept living life the way I thought I should, embracing my ideals to the fullest extreme and truly living a life worthy of a Christian--or so I thought. I always said that I wanted to be faithful. That was my goal. What I meant by this was that I wanted to do all the things a “faithful” person does and none of the things a faithful person wouldn’t do. I had an ideal, but it wasn’t one from God. I strove to meet that made-up image in my head. I bowed to it, sacrificed my health and well being for it, and became enslaved to it. What was my ideal, you ask? It was that mom should do all the things a mom does, including cooking, cleaning, caring for the children’s physical, emotional and spiritual needs, homeschooling, and more. Not a bad ideal, you might say. But after a while, this ideal became too heavy a burden for me to bear.