tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9196316261585940971.post284674499681517899..comments2023-07-06T06:04:07.849-07:00Comments on Sister, Daughter, Mother, Wife: Blessed to be a Receiver (Even When I Thought I Didn't Need To Be)Anna Mussmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11631139113615066986noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9196316261585940971.post-82846375477223478002015-05-17T20:22:59.005-07:002015-05-17T20:22:59.005-07:00I, too, like Hamlette's distinction. That'...I, too, like Hamlette's distinction. That's a great way of looking at it. And Anna's point about the Apostles delegating part of their work is an excellent reminder as well. Women in general tend to have a hard time saying "no," and I believe part of that stems from guilt. I remember one time at a former church I went to an LWML meeting with my two very young sons, one only a couple of months old. They were talking about electing officers and one of the ladies looked at me and said, "Well, Ruthie, why don't you do it? You're home all day!" I was flustered and embarrassed and had no pre-planned response for such a ridiculous statement. But I admit I had a fleeting moment of guilt as if I *should* have all the time in the world to help since I didn't work outside the home. It's hard to let those feelings of guilt go. <br />Ironically, it was another LWML function that helped me get over that guilt. We were at a rally some time later, and they were lamenting how no young women were there. A rather outspoken elderly lady got up and told everyone to look around. She challenged everyone to count how many "young" women were there, and I was pretty much the only one. Then she told us that she knew why. "Every time we get a young lady in here, we ask her to do so many things we scare her away! These ladies have young families and need to be there for their families. Those of us who are retired need to step up and do these things. Our families are grown. We are the ones who have the time, not these young mothers. For heaven's sake, leave them alone!" She had a good point. At this stage in my life, my family has to be my first (earthly) priority, and if I'm stretched too thin I can't be there for them emotionally or physically. I see it as being a "giver" to my kids in this phase, and perhaps later down the road when they don't need me as much I can be more of a giver to others. But in order to be a good giver to them, I also need to be a "receiver" at times. I'm not Supermom, so yeah, if someone offers to make us a meal or do a grocery carryout, I've learned to accept their offer graciously.Ruth Meyerhttp://truthnotes.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9196316261585940971.post-51851314646814647672015-05-14T16:26:49.258-07:002015-05-14T16:26:49.258-07:00Rachel/Hamlette, excellent point about distinguish...Rachel/Hamlette, excellent point about distinguishing between people who simply need help and people who need *my* help. Anna Mussmannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11631139113615066986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9196316261585940971.post-15411743873541706242015-05-14T16:24:56.458-07:002015-05-14T16:24:56.458-07:00That sounds rough. It's tough to make (and eva...That sounds rough. It's tough to make (and evaluate) decisions when one is physically and emotionally drained, which of course makes life even more draining. <br /><br />I think it's worth remembering that even the Apostles didn't try to do everything. In Acts, we read that they found other people to distribute food/etc. when those tasks made it hard for them to properly perform their own vocation. <br /><br />Caring for the physical and emotional needs of small children is a complicated, demanding job; all the more so because kids aren't machines who will thrive when simply given the proper doses of food and exercise. It makes a big difference in their lives to have a mom who can smile, laugh, and enjoy them (at least some of the time--not every season in life is a happy one, and kids are resilient). Because of this, I think it is a right and good thing to do to protect one's ability to give this kind of emotional nurturing to one's children. There are seasons when staying home/saying no may be the only way to do one's best in one's vocation as a mom.<br /><br />In addition, I know that I've sometimes been guilty of asking for too much help from someone else because the person seemed happy to give it. If they are going through a tough time, I would very much prefer to be told (nicely, if possible, of course) that now is not a season in which they can give me the help I'm looking for. <br /><br />Blessings as you live out this season of life, and congratulations on the new baby!Anna Mussmannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11631139113615066986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9196316261585940971.post-82758101968691107082015-05-14T10:48:46.393-07:002015-05-14T10:48:46.393-07:00Thanks for your thoughtful advice. I will keep it ...Thanks for your thoughtful advice. I will keep it in mind.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9196316261585940971.post-46386200572817834072015-05-14T07:55:56.406-07:002015-05-14T07:55:56.406-07:00I have been there, in a life situation where I hav...I have been there, in a life situation where I have to say no to people's requests because I have to focus on my family or my health, or both! I'm also a person who loves to do for others, to help and give, and it's so hard for me to say no. What really helped me was to have an answer already prepped, so I knew exactly what to say and wasn't fumbling for excuses. I learned to say, "I'm sorry, but with all the changes my family is going through right now, I'm not able to help out right now." <br /><br />I also tried to differentiate between people who genuinely needed MY help, and people who just needed help from anyone who could help. A friend who needed someone to watch their kid for a couple hours while they went to the doctor? Needed anyone's help, not particularly mine, and I could say "no." A friend who was having family problems and needed to talk to me for comfort and advice? Needed MY help, not anyone else's, so I'd still say "yes." Sometimes it also helped if I could offer a suggestion of someone else who might be able to help when I couldn't.Hamlette (Rachel)https://www.blogger.com/profile/11961916847426233995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9196316261585940971.post-46958367983576549542015-05-13T10:49:21.766-07:002015-05-13T10:49:21.766-07:00Thank you for this article. It is so true. I do, h...Thank you for this article. It is so true. I do, however, have a question. I am in a season where I feel totally and utterly spent. I am expecting our 4th child and the circumstances in our life right now just leave me feeling like I don't have a lot - if anything - to give. I keep getting asked, though. For whatever reason, I seem to be the go-to person when people need someone to help with childcare, picking up their kids, etc. How do I navigate this? Do I need to trust that God will give me everything that I need to meet these peoples' needs? Do I need to politely say "no" and how do I do that without feeling like I'm leaving someone in a lurch? I admit that I am not good at accepting help myself - but that is because I know what a sacrifice it is for me to help someone else right now, and I don't want to burden somebody else in this same way.<br /><br />Thank you in advance for your thoughts. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com